The Windhorse Institute For Conflict Resolution

Courageous Communication©

Courageous Communication© is a skill set for moving through conflict with grace and effectiveness. The approach is based on three C's: Commitment, Curiosity, and Courage.

1. Commitment

"The mode by which the inevitable comes to pass is effort."
-Oliver Wendell Holmes

If you want to resolve conflict better, you must first commit yourself to the learning process. In learning new communication skills, commitment has two aspects. The first aspect is motivation, wanting to do things differently even when it's hard. Remember, you can't change other people, you can only change yourself.

The second aspect of commitment is the effort required to learn new skills. Although the skills are not difficult, in order to fully integrate them into your "communication tool-box", you must practice the skills in low-stress situations. Only then will they be available to you when you really need them. And by making the skills part of your everyday communication, you prevent many conflicts from happening in the first place.

2. Curiosity

"It's not the things you don't know, it's the things you know for sure that just ain't so."
-Yogi Berra

The second requirement for resolving conflicts is curiosity. Your ability to resolve conflicts rests on your willingness to be curious. Curiosity is key. In conflict situations, allow the possibility that what the other person is saying makes complete sense to them, and try to discover why. By the same token, be curious about what you are bringing to the table, and what you have at stake.

3. Courage

"Usually we think that brave people have no fear. The truth is that they are intimate with fear."
-Pema Chödrön

Resolving conflict takes courage. It takes courage to change. It takes courage to consider the possibility that you might not have the whole picture. It takes courage to move forward when you're not sure what lies ahead.

It also takes courage to express your own point of view without judging or blaming the other person. Sometimes it even takes courage just to say "No".

It has been said that real courage is like a lacquer cup, as opposed to a china cup. If you drop a china cup, it will break or chip. A lacquer cup is a wooden base covered with layers of lacquer. If the cup drops, it will bounce rather than break. It is soft and hard at the same time. (Chögyam Trungpa, Shambhala: The Sacred Path of the Warrior)